Cross-cultural relationships bring unique dynamics, especially when one partner is Israeli and the other comes from a different part of the world. Assaf, Lisa, and Dror know this firsthand—they’ve generously offered to share how they’ve navigated their relationships, from the excitement of their first meetings to the shared effort of creating a family and a life together. While the differences in culture, language, and sometimes religion require understanding and compromise, these stories show how love and partnership can turn those differences into strengths. Let’s hear how they’ve done it.
Lisa Groner: Cross-Cultural Relationships Can Help Us Evolve as Humans
We met in NYC. Izhar had come to the states after his army service, he studied and then started to work in NYC. I was living temporarily in the city as well, doing an internship in Physical Therapy. We met during an organized hike through the JCC.
We lived together in Manhattan. Once we had our first baby we moved out to an apartment in Riverdale in the Bronx. After our second child, we moved out to a house in Fair Lawn, New Jersey, where we had two more children. We used to visit Israel and I always loved it and the people. It was always a thought we had in the back of our minds to live in Israel someday.
Have there been any challenges in your relationship regarding differences in upbringing or personal outlook on life?
There were definitely challenges due to the very different “worlds” we grew up in. I didn’t realize some of them were due to cultural differences until we moved to Israel. Like I always thought my husband was a rule breaker ranging from not following signs telling you to keep off private property or pushing past people waiting in line to get something done quicker. There are other examples, but to be honest I don’t really remember what they were at this point, since after living here for so many years, I came to realize that this is not just my husband’s non-ideal behavior, but that it is actually how many Israelis behave. I’ve also started to take on some of these qualities as well. So, parts of his behavior that used to once really bother me, I’ve now come to see as an advantage for day-to-day life here in Israel.
Having grown up in a home with a mom that needs to tell my dad what to do all the time and is very critical in general (like many Jewish American women) did not set a good precedent for how to live with an Israeli man. This was a huge challenge in our marriage and it took me many years to let go of those patterns. For my husband’s part, it took him many years to have more patience, and be more gentle and considerate of my needs. While I don’t think these personality traits are inherent to all Israelis and Americans, I do believe some are common and can be quite challenging in these mixed marriages.
Has the reaction of the American community abroad after October 7th had any effect on you?
Regarding the American community abroad after October 7th, I mostly felt supported by my family and friends. My mom was very nervous and wanted us to return to the states. I, on the other hand, felt an even stronger connection to Israel and the people here. Not to mention the fact that my son was in the army and I adamantly felt the need to be here when he came out for his breaks. No one could’ve convinced me to leave. I didn’t really interact with any other Americans who might have had a negative view of us. However, I am quite aware of what has been going on on college campuses and certain places throughout the country.
A final note on our American Israeli marriage. There were many benefits to our children from having such diversity in their parents. From their father, they learned about strength and tenacity. They also learned about being warm, welcoming and going out of your way to be giving to friends and strangers. From their mother, they learned to be polite (sort of), to be sensitive to other people’s feelings and needs, and to be patient. All in all I think these are fantastic tools to live a meaningful, healthy, and satisfying life.
Assaf Tuvia: I Love That Our Children Get to Enjoy Both Worlds
Danielle and I met in Berlin in 2015, both having moved there around the same time. One evening, we happened to go to the same bar—and the rest, as they say, is history. Danielle was born and raised in Stockholm, while I was born in Kibbutz Nachshon in central Israel. A few months after we met, she moved in with me, and we spent the next three years living together in Berlin. After some travel in Indonesia, we eventually made our way to Israel in early 2019, first living in Jaffa and then moving to Kibbutz Horshim. It was during our time there that our sons, Noam and Dylan, were born.
When the war broke out on October 7th, we were concerned about the impact it would have on our young children, especially with the constant sirens and the news of hostages. Our boys were so young, and we didn’t want to expose them to all of that. So, we made the decision to quickly move to Stockholm, where we’ve been living ever since. Now that we’ve lived in both Israel and Sweden for a while, it feels like we can better understand each other.
What were the main differences between your mentality and your partner’s that you had to bridge?
When our older son started kindergarten in Israel, Danielle had some difficulty adjusting to the teaching style and the overall approach of the kindergarten. There was also a junkyard in the Kibbutz where the children could play, which was quite the opposite of what she was used to. The Swedish educational system is much more organized, quiet, and orderly. In addition, there were quite a few issues in the WhatsApp group with parents, mostly complaints, which Danielle found quite different from the Swedish approach. In Sweden, there’s no such thing as a WhatsApp group for parents—everything is more collaborative and positive. We used to joke that in Sweden, it’s never “the parents versus the kindergarten”; everyone is on the same side.
The Swedish mentality is very different from the Israeli one, so naturally, it took us some years to adjust and understand each other, and we are still learning. One of the main differences between the cultures is that Israelis are very open and direct, while the Swedes are more closed and reserved. I think that both of us managed to tone down these traits to a good level. One of the biggest advantages of being in a mixed relationship is the ability to experience and enjoy both worlds. Especially now when we can give our kids the good things of both cultures.
Dror Binder: I Can’t Imagine My Life in Europe Without Lea
Lea and I met in Vienna, Austria, where we still live today. It was still Covid times back then, and the Austrian regulations didn’t allow restaurants and bars to open after 20:00. As both of us were new in town, single, young people, we were craving social interactions and some nightlife, so we both attended many illegal “flat parties,” where the police couldn’t stop the youth from drinking. One evening, I was invited to a birthday party of a friend of my colleague from university. I didn’t know the birthday boy, nor anyone else at the party, but there I met my Lea. After half an hour we left the flat, and since then we have been together.
Lea grew up in the south of Germany, close to the city of Konstanz. She works as a software transformation consultant in a fintech company. I grew up in a small village in the Galilee of Israel, and I am (aside from my career at Citizen Café) a composer, writing music for the Viennese scene of classical contemporary music.
How have you and Lea managed to bring your different worlds together?
Lea and I have a running joke that she is a German with an Israeli soul, and I am an Israeli with a German soul. We were both very passionate about learning each other’s cultures and diving into each other’s backgrounds. Lea amazes me with her ability to learn Hebrew and cope with the intimidating Israeli conversation norms. So far, it seems like she is adapting well to the tight family standards, the “bee-hive” behavior of Israelis who meet each other non-stop, and the spontaneous plan-making that is so atypical of Germans. On the other hand, I feel my ability to blend into Austrian/German culture is improving and developing. I am blessed by the recognition I am getting from the Austrian classical music scene, and I feel like my music belongs here. The Austrian social standards are sometimes still hard for me, as I am used to a much faster, warmer way of making friendships.
I can’t imagine my life in Europe without Lea. She has taught me so many things about how things work here. I look back at the Israeli boy who arrived in Vienna four years ago, and I can’t help but laugh. She taught me how Europeans understand politics, their conceptions of left and right. She opened my eyes to how Europeans see Israel and why they are so obsessed with us. She taught me how Germans understand honesty, and why it is very hard for them to trust Israelis sometimes. She even taught me how to navigate the supermarkets and which beers I should never drink.
How does it feel nowadays to be an Israeli in Vienna?
Vienna is a very conservative city. It has its ups and downs. It is also the reason why classical music is such a huge thing here, and why it’s almost impossible to find a hip-hop show in the city. It also shapes the way most Austrians see the 7th of October. Compared to many other capital cities in Europe, Vienna is very pro-Israel. Many Austrians identify with Israel as a Western-minded country in the Middle East, and they see the war in Israel as something that aligns with their beliefs.
As an Israeli, it is always hard for me to hear Europeans comment on the war in Israel, and it doesn’t matter which side of the political map they’re on. I always feel like they don’t get it, like they talk about it as if it’s some kind of philosophical debate and don’t realize that my mother’s well-being is at stake. I used to be more vocal and express my views about Israel with the locals here, but since the war started, it hurts too much. I prefer avoiding the conversation.